Professional Editing Example

Aurelia sat quietly in her small fighter., Sshe kept the power to a minimum, barely maintaining life support. The battle had gone badly, and the carrier she had launched from had been totally destroyed. During the battle, she had fought several enemy fighters and had strafed one of their cruisers., Hhowever, the guidance and targeting system had been damaged during the run across the cruiser, and more fighters had targeted her. She threw her craft about trying to avoid flying in a straight line, which would enable themaking it difficult for the enemy craft to get a weapon lock. During the chase, she found realized she was approaching a small planetary system., Tthe stress was beginning to tell show, and she could feel the sweat running from her brow into her eyes., Sshe lifted the visor on her helmet and wiped her eyes to clear them.

As she flew past the outer planets, she noticed on her screen that there was a band of large rocks orbiting the system’s sun where perhaps a planet had once been. She dived dove into this area, and soon she found a large rock, several kilometres across., Sshe hid behind it and shutting down her crafts systems so as to lessen the chance of detection. She held her breath and wondered if, had she done enough to shake off her pursuers.?

As she waited, a group of enemy fighters passed in loose formation followed by a larger cruiser. She sat hoping and hoped the background noise from the planetary system would mask the minimal energy signature of her reduced life support system. They flew by and continued on their course moving away from her.

She assessed the options now open to her., Tobviously the small task force she was with had been either been destroyed or had managed to escape the much larger enemy fleet. Either way, no one would be coming for her in the near future. Her small Fighter had limited range, and she had used at least half of her fuel during the battle and subsequent escape.

Her only chance was to find a nearby planet with a breathable atmosphere, land and set her distress beacon, and hope she would be rescued by her own side and not captured by the enemy. She thought it would probably be best to delay setting the beacon for a few days to ensure the enemy fleet had passed by, provided that is she could find a planet before her power and air ran out.

Her ears were uncomfortable in her helmet., Sshe had always meant to get it changed but had never gotten around to it. The helmet was all right for a while but it pinched if she wore it for too long. She was not intending to go into combat in the foreseeable future, so she broke regulations and removed her ill-fitting helmet. Her hair fell across her eyes, so she impatiently brushed it back with her hand.

She had not seen any enemy craft for several hours, so she cautiously increased the power to her computer system and life support, as the cockpit was getting cold. She waited for a while longer before increasing the power further. Her systems did not detect any enemy ships, so they must have moved away. One small fighter in an uncharted system far from home was not worth bothering about.  .

Aurelia rubbed her cheek., Iit was a habit she had when she was under stress; ever  since she had been tattooed with the mark of the warrior class to which she now belonged. She cautiously increased her crafts power so she could run a scan of the system she was in. Her scans found that the third planet had a breathable atmosphere. Tthe down side was that her systems detected a probability that it was inhabited by primitive beings. Still, she was more than capable of looking after herself, and they were probably far too primitive to be of any threat.

She decided it was time to start the ignition sequence for her engines. Of the three thrusters her fighter had, only one fired. This was an unexpected setback she had not bargained for., Tthere must be have been more damage than the systems reported. Her craft would be hard to handle, and manoeuvring within a planetary atmosphere would be difficult to say the least. However, she had no choice, as she would be unable to go to another system with the damage her craft had suffered.

Aurelia smiled to herself as she neared the planet she had chosen. The beings that inhabited the planet had a very primitive detection technology that she could easily avoid with her fighters basic cloaking systems. The only concern she had as she guided her fighter into the planets upper atmosphere was that with her damaged engines the would make the landing was going to be rather hard. She chose a large island off a much larger continent as a landing site. Hher sensors showed that it had some deserted areas. I and it also had the added additional advantage of moving into the night, so her descent should would not be detected by any one casually looking up.

Her craft began to buck as it entered deeper into the atmosphere. Sshe needed all her strength to hold it on her chosen course. As she neared the ground, she just missed a small low building she had not detected during her scans. Iit was not emitting any energy signature as most of the other buildings on the island where. She finally hit the surface of the planet harder than she had hoped. Sshe was thrown forward against her harness., When hher head, unprotected by a helmet, struck the main console in front of her, she passed out.


Should you consider getting your book edited?

I would say an unequivocal yes. You need to be sure your book is as good as you can get it which ever publishing method you chose. Remember that Agents and Publishers are looking for the slightest excuse to reject your manuscript. Ensure it is not through incorrect punctuation, layout or sentence structure.

Below is an example of what an editor can do for you. (The following is a sample from editing work done for me by
www.firstediting .com)

EDITOR\'S COMMENTS / NOTES / SUGGESTIONS:
Clive, Thanks for the opportunity to edit your book! Although I had to correct a number of grammatical errors and adjust so much of the punctuation and sentence structure, I think you have a great story here. The subject matter, the insightful narration, and the creative actions and ideas you've expressed have made this a worthwhile book to read and edit. I hope that with this professional touch you will now achieve the success you desire with publication, etc. I would even love to see this book as a movie. The most common grammatical issues that I corrected included: punctuation (especially comma splices/run-on sentences), ordering of phrases, transitional phrasing, tense, dialog format, parallel form, excessive wordiness, redundancy, hedging, and inconsistency. I also made helpful comments to further assist with revision. I wish you the best of luck with publication and I look forward to working with you on future projects!
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